Do vagina's smell?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
