I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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