i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
