We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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