so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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