I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
