this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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