True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
