So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drake has all the answers
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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