i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
