I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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