One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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