I'm drive I can fine osifer
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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