someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
