weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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