Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
