Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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