I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize