You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
