i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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