Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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