just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
