I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
