Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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