he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
