Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
