There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In America we eat man semen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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