No period for spring break; use this wisely.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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