my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
