True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She needs sedatives and a leash
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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