they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
