ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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