On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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