I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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