It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize