last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
