I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
last night I used snow as a chaser
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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