i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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