i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
