I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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