I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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