She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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