there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
