also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
