So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
