I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
