He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
