I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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