so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
