I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
