Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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