It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
