worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
