Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
