One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
