maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
