I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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