Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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