his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
