my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
