I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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