If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
