yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
