I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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