I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
