She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
