Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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