airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
