You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
