Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
