Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
