i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize