ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
