I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
