So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
