I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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