last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
